My dad started a new family tradition this year, and I am completely sold.

He calls it SSS: Second Saturday in September.

The concept is extremely simple: every year, on the second Saturday in September, our family gets together.

This year we golfed. And based on the golfing abilities displayed by several members of my family, I think it is important to clarify that golf is not the tradition.

Showing up is the tradition.

And there are a few things about this idea that I really love.

My Dad Made It Happen

First, my dad took the initiative.

Not my mom.

I don’t say that as a dig at my mom. I say it because I think women, and especially moms, often become the default keepers of family relationships.

They’re the ones starting the group text, planning the dinner, remembering the birthday, organizing Christmas, finding a weekend that works for everyone, and reminding everybody three times where they’re supposed to be.

My dad decided he wanted his kids together, so he put something on the calendar and created the space for it to happen.

I really loved that.

And it made me think about something I’ve come to believe pretty strongly as my own kids get older:

It’s the parents’ job to create the space. It’s the kids’ job to show up.

Obviously, once your children are adults, you can’t demand their time or expect them to organize their lives around you. Nor put pressure on them to show up.

But you can keep opening the door.

You can put dinner on the table. You can choose the weekend. You can make the reservation. You can say, We’re doing this every year, and we’d love for you to be here.

Then you let them choose to come.

Relationships That Matter Need to Be Nurtured

I also think sometimes we expect family relationships to survive simply because we’re family.

But being related to someone doesn’t automatically make you close.

People move. They get married. They have children. Their lives get busy. They change. You change.

And sometimes you disagree.

I feel like I’ve had more disagreements and hard conversations with members of my family in the last two years than ever before.

It hasn’t always been rainbows and butterflies.

But maybe that’s actually made me understand the value of these relationships more.

We have the hard conversation, and then we come back.

We get annoyed, and then we come back.

We misunderstand each other, work through it, laugh about something stupid, eat together, disagree about something else, and come back again.

Not because we’re particularly good at being a family.

Because we’ve decided these relationships matter.

And relationships that matter require maintenance.

You Don’t Need SSS

You absolutely can steal Second Saturday in September. I actually hope you do.

But the second Saturday isn’t magic. September isn’t magic. Golf DEFINITELY isn’t magic.

What I love about SSS is that my dad took something he cared about and gave it a place on the calendar.

Maybe your version is the first weekend in June. Maybe it’s an annual sibling trip. Maybe everyone comes over for soup on the same Sunday every October. Maybe it’s breakfast once a month.

The tradition really doesn’t have to be impressive. It just needs to keep giving you a reason to come back to each other. And show up for your family!

Questions to Ask Your Siblings

One thing I’ve realized as we’ve all gotten older is that there are things about my siblings I somehow don’t know.

These are people I literally grew up beside. We shared bedrooms and bathrooms and vacations and parents and an entire childhood.

But there does come a point where our parents need to create the space for their kids to connect but once they are gone, parents can create the space but we need to show up. We also need to take stake into the people we love. If we want relationships with our siblings we need to work for them. Our siblings are the only people on earth who will go through life with us from beginning to end, not our parents, nor our partners nor our kids. These people know us at almost every stage and they can be the inner circle we need. 

They can also be our worst enemy. 

But adulthood has changed all of us. More than you probably know right now. So you need to ask the questions!!

So I made a list of questions to ask your siblings the next time you’re together. You can make it deeper or funny. Maybe even nostalgic and a time to bring you back to your roots!  Mostly, they’re an excuse to put down your phones and learn something about people you might assume you already know everything about. Sit and listen to them. It gives you an opportunity to become closer. 

The goal is to keep trying and keep building. Clearly this might not be the case for everyone, but also, relationships are work. 

Here are a bunch of amazing questions to ask your siblings. IN person or on text. 

1. What is your fondest childhood memory of us?
2. What is one day you’d love to relive?
3. What family trip stands out to you most?
4. What family trip was the worst of the worst?
5. What was one thing you wish our parents did? 
6. What is one thing you’ve learned about yourself looking back at your younger self?
7. What’s something you wish you could have told me back then that you didn’t?
8. What is something you wish to tell me but are too nervous to say?
9. Is there something i can do better to show up for you?
10. What is one time you felt truly loved by me? What did I do?
11. What are your biggest fears right now?
12. What is the biggest thing pressing on your heart right now?
13. What is something that brings you joy right now?
14. Who do you feel seen most by right now?

Below I’ve included a download with about 40 questions to give you some ideas to help you to really learn about your people.

You could bring them to dinner, or even simpler send one into the sibling group text and see what happens. (if you don’t have a sibling group chat, make one!)

And if your family relationships aren’t currently rainbows and butterflies, maybe that’s okay too.

But if you choose to keep opening the door, to keep having the conversations (even if they’re hard), and listening. If you keep chasing each other and keep coming back you might have the chance to learn more about the people who loved you first.

Let me know how it goes! I would love to hear all about it!

Xoxox

Abi