Connecting with, and showing love to my kids is the most important part of parenting for me. More than anything, I want them to understand that I will always love them unconditionally – no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Countless hours of research have proven the importance of parents unconditionally loving their children. Parental affection and support during childhood actually improves brain development, promotes resilience, and helps children become happier, healthier adults.

After studying child development in college and now raising three kids, I can see with my own eyes how my bond with my children is strengthened when I love them exactly as they need me to. How have I been able to do that? Well, I’m still learning! But there are two practices that have changed our home more than anything else. The first is learning how each of my kids receives love. The second is getting quiet enough to actually hear them – and myself. One works from the outside in, the other from the inside out, and honestly they need each other.

Here’s my advice.

Part One: Learn How Your Child Receives Love

Take the time to figure out what your child needs from you. What does she lean toward or away from? Getting familiar with the five love languages (quiz) is a great place to start. But I’ll let you in on a secret: we all love being loved in all the ways, which means you can’t mess this up! 🙂

Book: “The 5 Love Languages of Children” by Gary Chapman

Experiment with connecting with your child in different ways and notice any changes in the feeling in your home. Pay attention to the ways your children behave toward you and toward each other. You’ll start to see love grow before your very eyes. And your heart will change too – it’s miraculous.

Here are a few ways you can show your child love in each of the 5 love languages.

Physical Touch

• Hug him until he breaks the hug.
• Pick him up and spin him around.
• Give him a high five.
• Create a secret handshake to do when you see each other.
• Cuddle and watch a movie or show together.
• Give him a back/hand tickle or rub.

Words of Affirmation

• Look in her eyes and tell her you love her.
• Set aside 5 minutes to just chat together.
• Write her a note.
• Tell her a joke. Listen to her jokes.
• Ask her an open-ended question and wait until she finishes answering, such as, “What do you like about ____?”

Gift Giving

Surprise him with something like:

• A new toy or book from the dollar store.
• Flowers from the yard.
• A coupon book of things you will do for him or things you can do together.
• A homemade gift just for him.

Acts of Service

• A clean room.
• A little treat (homemade or store bought).
• Organize her toys.
• Do her chore for the day.

Quality Time

• Sit down and join in whatever he’s playing.
• Color with him.
• Go on an outdoor activity like a bike ride or walk.
• Play a board game together.
• Watch a show together.

Part Two: Get Quiet Together

Here’s the part I could talk about all day, every day. I love it!

I feel like most of my problems are solved quickly and effectively when I meditate, purposefully. My meditation sessions are a time that I connect with my inner-self, my Heavenly Father and Mother, the future and past generations of my family line, and the earth. Wow! I am going deep here! It is the absolute truth, though. I always find so much peace and direction when I listen to what is coming at me from these special sources.

And here’s why it belongs in a post about connecting with your kids: it’s very hard to notice what your child needs from you when your own head is loud. Meditating together settles all of us at once. The love languages are how I show up for them. This is how I get quiet enough to see them clearly in the first place.

I bet you are now wondering… HOW!? Let me start out by saying that it has taken me a lot of time and practice to be in tune with the world within me, and around me. I love meditating in different settings, in different ways, and I love teaching my kids what I have learned. Here’s how we do it together.

1. Breathe deeply.

Breathe in for 7 seconds, through your nose, and then hold that breath for 7 seconds. Then breathe out of your mouth for 7 seconds, focusing. We repeat this for as long as needed or until everyone is aware, connected, and calm.

2. Feel 3 different types of gratitude.

I know this sounds a little weird, but these feelings touch different parts of your heart and mind. So spend around 1-2 minutes feeling: gratitude, appreciation, and love.

You can start by listing things and then once you feel the feeling, sit in that feeling for 1 minute. Here are some examples:

• I am grateful for clean water, my family, vacations, sleep, my body.
• I appreciate a home-cooked meal, my husband loving me, a compliment from a stranger.
• I feel love from… or… I feel love when…

3. Ask three questions.

• What do you want me to know today?
• What do you want me to feel today?
• What do you want me to do today?

What comes as a result

Most of the time one word will pop into my head, and other days a flow of words will come. I always have a pen and paper near and I always write down the first positive feelings or words that come to my mind.

I always invite my kids to share what they feel, if they wish. It is always a grounding and positive way to start our day and although we don’t always do it – we are way happier and our house runs smoother when we do!

Meditation is something I feel I am always developing and growing with. I am, by no means, a guru with all this, but I have come to a place where certain things make sense and I have come to rely on my meditation practice as a time to focus inward.

Putting Them Together

You don’t have to do both of these perfectly, or even at the same time. Some weeks all I manage is a secret handshake at the door and a deep breath in the car. But when I’m paying attention to how each of my kids receives love, and I’m quiet enough inside to actually notice them, the whole house feels different. That’s the goal – not a perfect practice, just a home where everybody knows they’re loved exactly as they are.

Tell me in the comments what you do to make your kids feel loved, and if you try the meditation, I would love to hear about your experience!