A Family Night Activity for Finding Your Gifts 

The other night for family night, I gave everyone in our family a piece of paper and a pen and told them we were going to talk about our gifts and talents.

I think when most of us hear the word “talent,” our brains immediately go to the obvious things. Playing the piano. Singing. Sports. Art. Things you can perform or win an award for or put on a résumé.

But those aren’t the only kinds of gifts I want my kids to recognize in themselves.

I want them to know if they’re a good listener. If they’re brave. If they’re the person who notices when somebody is sitting alone. If they’re funny or patient or curious or really good at making people feel comfortable. I want them to understand that some of the most important things they bring into this world will probably never come with a trophy.

So we divided our papers into three sections, and I set a timer for three minutes.

The first question was simple: What gifts and talents do YOU think you have?

Then we wrote.

It feels uncomfortable to lists things you’re good at sometimes. We’re much more accustomed to listing everything we’d like to fix about ourselves. First, I don’t want my kids to ever shy away from their talents and second, it’s not prideful to pinpoint your strengths! I don’t want my kids to confuse humility with being unable to recognize the good in themselves. So for three minutes, everyone had permission to notice it.

Then we moved to the second part.

We passed our papers around the table and set a timer for one minute per person. Everyone wrote down the gifts and talents they saw in the person whose paper they were holding.

This was my favorite part. I found myself writing so many things that I didn’t even think of previously. It was powerful and beautiful for each of us to focus on each other and pinpoint each other’s strengths! 

When the papers eventually made their way back to their owners, suddenly we were looking at ourselves through the eyes of the people who know us best.

There were things that overlapped with what we’d written about ourselves, but there were also things we hadn’t thought to write down. Things that apparently were obvious to everyone else in the room but weren’t obvious to us. I wonder how often that’s true. How many beautiful things about ourselves have become so ordinary to us that we don’t even recognize them as gifts?

Then we moved to the final section.

Everyone took their paper and found a quiet place in the house. We set a timer for seven minutes and asked one more question:

God, what gifts and talents have You given me?

One of the things Ammon and I desperately want to teach our kids before they leave our house is how to recognize the voice of God in their own lives. I don’t think we can simply tell them, “Listen to God,” and expect them to know what that means. Listening is something we have to practice.

Being still takes practice. Asking a question and not immediately filling the silence takes practice. Learning how inspiration feels to you—what comes into your heart, what comes into your mind, what feels peaceful or persistent or important—takes practice.

So for seven minutes, that was all we did. We asked, listened and wrote down what came to us.

When everyone came back together, we looked at our papers again, and I realized this ridiculously simple activity had given us the chance to practice three relationships that matter enormously to me.

Our relationship with ourselves: Can I recognize the good that already exists in me?

Our relationship with each other: Can I look for the good in another person and actually tell them what I see?

And our relationship with God: Can I get quiet enough to ask Him a question and listen for an answer?

All of that happened with a few pieces of paper and about 15 minutes.

Before we finished, we prayed together and thanked God for the gifts He had given each of us. That might have been my favorite moment of the entire night. Instead of asking for something or needing something or trying to fix something, we simply said thank you.

I want to do this again! Maybe six months from now. Maybe next year. I would love to see what changes on those pieces of paper as my kids grow and begin to understand themselves better.

I also made the activity into a printable because I think this could be beautiful with your family, your spouse, a group of friends, a church group, or even completely by yourself.

When you’re finished, look at all three sections together. Notice where they overlap. Notice what the people who love you see that you couldn’t see yourself. Notice what came to you when everything got quiet.

There may be gifts you’ve been carrying around your entire life that you’ve never thought to call gifts.